I run...

Sometimes, I come here to pour out my heart.

I grew up in a toxic home. My father ruled over us like a tyrant. He could be extremely verbally abusive to myself, my mother, and sister.

For years, I would hide out in my bedroom praying for the day to come and I would make my escape. Escape the endless fighting going on all around me.

In the early days of my marriage, I was a real hot head. I didn't understand how beautiful love and marriage can be. I loved my husband dearly, but I could let any little thing send me into a tantrum. Through the kindness and love of my very gentle husband, it didn't take long for me to realize, marriage could be different. Different from the marriage of my parents.

I made a decision in those very early days, to live this life differently. To live in peace. To live in joy. To treat my husband with respect and kindness. To not speak in harsh hurtful tones. To make our home a place of love and happiness.

It was in those early years of my marriage, that my husband guided me back to the love of Christ. For the first time in my life, my heart desired to have a deep personal relationship with Jesus. It was then, that I truly felt God's love for me, and that experience changed my heart forever.

We are not perfect people. But our home is peaceful. No one fights. Well, unless little sister takes big brother's Lego model. But even that is not okay here. We consider fighting and yelling to be unacceptable behavior. We correct their bad behavior and we lead them, by example. My children never hear arguing and fighting between a husband and wife. Not to say we never disagree or rub one another the wrong way about something, but we can talk out the issue. Without raising voices and cruelty!

Sadly, I have people in my life that continue to hurt. The hurt runs so deep, that they can't even see that it's still there.  Like a wound that does not heal. And no matter how much love and guidance I try to put on  it, it just never heals. A dark cloud, that in it's presence, can be suffocating.

So I run. I remove myself from the darkness. Just like that young girl, hiding in her room with a pillow over her head. I run, to the safe loving arms of Jesus. Back to the love in my home, my husband, my children.