Grief....it's so heavy.

The last few days have been difficult. My heart is so sad right now. Sad for the life that ended before it could spread its wings and fly. Sad for the mother and father hurting....hurting the most unbearable hurt. Everything that I do during the day, always brings a thought to mind of dear Melonie. Doing the wash, I think of her doing his wash for the last time. Preparing a meal, I think of her. How much she wants to prepare meals for her children again.

Some moments are of joy. When I think of Andrew in the presence of Jesus, Moses, Noah, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. It's an amazing feeling to think these heavenly souls all together. What wonders he is seeing and with eternal eyes. There is no more pain, no more suffering, no more surgery or hospitals. No more poisonous medications to swallow. Where Andrew is, there is only JOY. Yet, my earthly human heart is so very very sad. I hide my sadness from my babies. They get sad to see mommy sad. But I cry in my sweet husband's shoulder or in private. He's strong and he understands how much this hurts. I know it hurts him too. We let our hearts love this little boy. I feel so honored and privileged to have traveled this journey in prayer for Andrew. My life has been blessed to know him, even if from a distance.

So, I will go on with a smile. I will get up and smile in the morning. We will play and bake cookies. My heart will heal, but deep inside the grief is heavy. This Christmas, I will be a joyful hostess. I will hug and dance with all that I love, but on the inside the pain will remind me of a family that just can't go there right now. I will slip off to a quiet private place and on my knees, I will call out to the giver of peace. On the day we celebrate the birth of Our King, I will call out to Him, and intercede for another family in pain. I will then picture that beautiful precious boy skateboarding on those streets of gold with the biggest smile on his face.




Please bare with me while I grieve. I intend for my blog to be a happy place because I am a happy person. Right now is a valley of sadness, but I'm on my way back up the hill. Please add me to your prayers today, for I am in need.

~Brandi